Meeting Minutes
Some of the LCP are very keen on meetings. Some members love going to the meetings but never actually ride their bikes.
Meetings are very tightly organised, and the rule book is currently over 300 pages in length.
Minutes are closely guarded secret documents within the LCP, and none have become public. Below is the text of what happened before a meeting, found discarded in a hedge in 2018.
Minutes of the Hammersmith, London, District Association of the League Of Cycling Purity (Official and Continuity) held in the Lesser Hall of St. Margaret’s Church
Minutes taken by CI Whitte, Deputy Minutes secretary.
Apology for lateness: TA Holder (Minutes Secretary) had telephoned the hall to say he was going to be late as he had an emergency surgery to perform, and "the chaps should just talk among themselves, CI Whitte will minute the discussion for practice."
AV Sampson (Chairman) opined that this was a jolly good idea and asked what we should talk about.
HA Griffieths (Ordinary Member) said that he had been having trouble with his wife.
There was embarrassed laughter.
OTG Farnsworth (Keeper of the Oil) said "We're all men of the world here, or Confirmed Bachelors, so what is it?"
HA Griffiethes explained that his wife had come under the influence of the younger members of the Women's Institute she attended and instead of making jam and knitting they were having their consciousnesses raised and learning about feminism.
There was grumbling and harumphing.
He continued, "She says that I should take my share of the domestic tasks."
KL Tolstoy (Deputy Chairman) said "You take the bins out and fill the coal scuttle, what more is there?"
HA Griffiethes said "I do those things, and catch spiders, but now she won't buy me replacement undergarments and mine are wearing out. I can't just go and buy them as it's a well know fact that married men only buy their own pants when they are having an affair and the staff in the shop will snigger at me."
CF Ford (Quartermaster) said "That's true. In my gentlemen's outfitters I always know when a political scandal is going to break by what the Cabinet are buying. Steve Norris, Alan Clark, new pants one week, headlines the next. That Boris Johnson gets through some undergarments I can tell you."
OTG Farnsworth asked if HA Griffiethes could simply go to Mr Ford's shop, but both shook their heads, and Mr Ford explained that the garments sold by his shop were not robust enough for a member of the LCP, and he personally was still using his 'Stallard Specials'. HA Griffiethes asked where he could get some of those, only to be told that the Convention on Trade in Endangered Species had outlawed the materials they are made from, and it was difficult to get through customs wearing them.
There were a few moments of contemplative silence, then TA Holder arrived. He was apprised of the problem. He nodded and smiled. "Yes", he said, "My wife fell in with that sort years ago. My barber told me of the solution. If you go round the side of the Fulham branch of Marks and Spencer there's a hopper on the wall labeled 'Y replacement service'. You put your old worn out pants in it, along with a blank cashier's cheque. Ten to fifteen minutes later you will hear a bell. Then you open the hopper and there are your new pants and a receipt. Totally anonymous, no sniggering, and a fine set of coverings for your unmentionables."
AV Sampson (Chairman) declared the meeting Quorate and
[text ends]
Meetings are very tightly organised, and the rule book is currently over 300 pages in length.
Minutes are closely guarded secret documents within the LCP, and none have become public. Below is the text of what happened before a meeting, found discarded in a hedge in 2018.
Minutes of the Hammersmith, London, District Association of the League Of Cycling Purity (Official and Continuity) held in the Lesser Hall of St. Margaret’s Church
Minutes taken by CI Whitte, Deputy Minutes secretary.
Apology for lateness: TA Holder (Minutes Secretary) had telephoned the hall to say he was going to be late as he had an emergency surgery to perform, and "the chaps should just talk among themselves, CI Whitte will minute the discussion for practice."
AV Sampson (Chairman) opined that this was a jolly good idea and asked what we should talk about.
HA Griffieths (Ordinary Member) said that he had been having trouble with his wife.
There was embarrassed laughter.
OTG Farnsworth (Keeper of the Oil) said "We're all men of the world here, or Confirmed Bachelors, so what is it?"
HA Griffiethes explained that his wife had come under the influence of the younger members of the Women's Institute she attended and instead of making jam and knitting they were having their consciousnesses raised and learning about feminism.
There was grumbling and harumphing.
He continued, "She says that I should take my share of the domestic tasks."
KL Tolstoy (Deputy Chairman) said "You take the bins out and fill the coal scuttle, what more is there?"
HA Griffiethes said "I do those things, and catch spiders, but now she won't buy me replacement undergarments and mine are wearing out. I can't just go and buy them as it's a well know fact that married men only buy their own pants when they are having an affair and the staff in the shop will snigger at me."
CF Ford (Quartermaster) said "That's true. In my gentlemen's outfitters I always know when a political scandal is going to break by what the Cabinet are buying. Steve Norris, Alan Clark, new pants one week, headlines the next. That Boris Johnson gets through some undergarments I can tell you."
OTG Farnsworth asked if HA Griffiethes could simply go to Mr Ford's shop, but both shook their heads, and Mr Ford explained that the garments sold by his shop were not robust enough for a member of the LCP, and he personally was still using his 'Stallard Specials'. HA Griffiethes asked where he could get some of those, only to be told that the Convention on Trade in Endangered Species had outlawed the materials they are made from, and it was difficult to get through customs wearing them.
There were a few moments of contemplative silence, then TA Holder arrived. He was apprised of the problem. He nodded and smiled. "Yes", he said, "My wife fell in with that sort years ago. My barber told me of the solution. If you go round the side of the Fulham branch of Marks and Spencer there's a hopper on the wall labeled 'Y replacement service'. You put your old worn out pants in it, along with a blank cashier's cheque. Ten to fifteen minutes later you will hear a bell. Then you open the hopper and there are your new pants and a receipt. Totally anonymous, no sniggering, and a fine set of coverings for your unmentionables."
AV Sampson (Chairman) declared the meeting Quorate and
[text ends]
